How Reframing Your Story Can Change Your Life
If laughter is the best medicine, then stand-up comedian and TEDx speaker Cesar Cervantes should be given a medical degree.
It has long been known that laughter reduces stress and offers a plethora of positive health benefits; some going so far as to say it’s the “best medicine.” Ramon Mora-Ripoll, in his literature review “The Therapeutic Value of Laughter in Medicine,” cited that “laughter has shown physiological, psychological, social, spiritual, and quality-of-life benefits. Adverse effects are very limited, and laughter is practically lacking in contraindications.” In fact, he presents evidence that the physical act of laughter alone is enough — the human brain cannot distinguish between spontaneous and self-induced laughter.
Cesar explains it this way. You cannot laugh when your muscles are all tensed up. When he asks people to tense their muscles and then laugh, it doesn’t work. When he redirects them through breathing and relaxation exercises back into their bodies, laughter comes easily and naturally.
As it is with most comedians, reframing tragedy into humor is their bread and butter. For the rest of us, we could learn a thing or two. After all, the stories we tell determine our reality. If we want a new and improved reality, we need to get better at how we tell our stories.
Is it that simple? Yes. But it’s not easy.
Yet, this is exactly where Cervantes shines.
Cesar Cervantes brings his unique brand of humor and storytelling to team building, teaching participants how to reframe their stories so that they can reframe their lives.
And the transformations he facilitates in just three short hours are life-changing.
There was “so much laughter in the room, and we had a ton of fun,” recalled Hilary Bridges of Kids Crossing, who brought Cesar in to work with her team.
To Cervantes, whether he’s writing a punch line, delivering a keynote speech, or training teams, it all comes down to story.
After all, it’s not the events of our lives that determine our reality, but our stories about those events. And stories can be written — and rewritten.
Some of us go years or even lifetimes reliving stories from our past, allowing them to define our relationships, work-life and who we are. Imagine who you would be without your story. Imagine who you could be.
The first step in reframing your story is to determine whether the story is serving you well. If your story brings you joy, then, by all means, keep it. But if your story disempowers you then it’s time to rethink it. For example, how could you change your story of being broken into one of heroism? Or your story of a dangerous world to a story of a kind and forgiving one?
If you’re finding it difficult to change a narrative, notice the benefits you are reaping by holding onto your old narrative. Sometimes, we love to hold onto stories just to have something to gripe about, writes Minda Zeitlin of Inc.
The stories that we allow to define us are the most difficult to change, and at the same time, if they’ve been holding us back, the most important to change. Byron Katie in Loving What Is teaches four questions with which to analyze the stories we tell ourselves.
1. Is the story true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
If I tell the story of how my boss doesn’t like me and that’s why she keeps passing me over for promotion, then I will be angry and unpleasant around my boss. By doing so, I turn my story into reality. Without my story, I could instead ask my boss what I would need to do to land the next promotion.
Narrative therapists Jill Freedman and Gene Combs agree. “When life narratives carry hurtful meanings or seem to offer only unpleasant choices, they can be changed by highlighting different, previously un-storied events or by taking new meaning from already storied events, thereby constructing new narratives.” In other words, we have the power to not only change our stories but to choose different stories to focus on.
It’s no surprise that Cesar’s signature team-building program begins and ends with story. He begins each session asking his participants to share, “How did you come to do the work you do?” By sharing their stories, teams learn about and develop deeper connections with each other.
Bridges found this to be the most vulnerable part for her. It’s “something that we just hadn’t really shared openly with one another … Everybody’s stories are really different [but are] all equally inspiring and touching, and we also got to see some of our more reserved colleagues show a different side of themselves.”
About three hours later, at the close of their team building activities, Cesar returns the participants to story, with a few significant tweaks.
He asks them to team up with a partner and share two stories. One, a work experience that upset them and two, one that made them laugh. He then asks them to present their stories to the whole group — but with one modification. Tell the funny story as though you were upset about it and tell the upsetting story as if it were funny.
By doing so, Cesar demonstrates not just our ability to reframe any story we tell, but the life-changing power of doing so.
What stories do you tell yourself again and again that aren’t serving you? What stories are you playing out day to day in your personal life? In your work environment?
When it’s finally time to rewrite your story and turn your work environment into the collaborative and effective team your business needs, Cesar Cervantes can help.
Reach out to him at www.cesarcervantes.tv for more information.
